As we collectively begin moving into a
new year, a certain vibe begins take place. As facebook displays the alga
rhythmic outcomes of “your year in review”, I feel nudged toward self-reflection.
Other messages in advertising/marketing that surround the New Year remind us
that we can re-create ourselves with statements like “This is your year”,
“Start the New Year off right by…”, “Want to kick off your New Year the right
way?”, “Stay Fit this Year by…”, “#NewYearsFitnessChallenge, etc.
In self-reflection there is an
opportunity to experience insight into death and the vibes of rebirth. We can
reflect on moments of challenge, suffering, or defeat as well as moments of ease,
pleasure, or triumph. Both necessary to life. Perhaps we might take a pause to evaluate our choices and
reactions in those moments.
Accepting that those moments are gone,
passed & dead, means accepting that the old you from those moments is also
dead. Past is dead, making space for new life. Life saturated with contextual
novelty; new stronger versions of the self and new vulnerable versions of the self riding each ever re-newing waves…crash, cruise, crash, cruise.
We can learn to ride the waves of
rebirth (cruise) by accepting the waves of death/defeat (crash). As soon as we
accept the crash, we’re cruising again. The old us is dead, constantly dying and crashing (successes, failure, and all) making space to move toward new patterns. Space
to try new things, to rearrange, and to move toward greater love and compassion
for others and one’s self.
Each time we wake up it’s like a
cruise wave, a chance for rebirth. There is the choice to accept the yesterday
self as dead, so that a new self can emerge. Crashes come and we struggle to
accept the things in life that are out of our control. Surviving a crash means
to accept it, go into the crash, submit to life, and to die to our mad desire to be constantly cruising.
Death/defeat and the feeling of
failure give us the space and ability to grow, because to change or grow,
something must die. In nature, a seed needs good soil drenched with microbial
death and decay in order to grow into a healthy plant. So this year, I want to
remember to accept the crashes as they come, but until then, cruise on.
I spent
this winter solstice in Chicago with my boyfriend's family. It was a great experience.
There is always a fleet of anxiety I get just before we go, and as soon as we
arrive it dissipates. Growing up as, what Chi-town folks would consider, a
country girl in Central Illinois I found a strikingly different attitude in Chicago.
“You are nothing special.”
There are just SOOOO many people, all the time, and pretty
much at all hours just buzzing about doing things all different, some the same.
Getting dipped in such a diverse and large population, for more than two days, enlightened this huge awakening that will carry me through this New Year. As much as I matter, I don't.
For the
first time, I sat with this idea, rather than feeling offended by it. I chewed it up, swallowed it down and let it sink
deep. It actually felt relieving. Each New Year I set out with the upmost ambition to change myself for
the better, to make this New Year something to remember, or to "get it together". I have too much ambition, time to tone it down.
This year, I am trying something radically different. Instead
of fighting and striving to change things in my life situation and self, I’m
just going to sit with it, listen and feel it all: the good things, the bad things, the
bitter things, all of it. Instead of moving toward the moment with aggression
and greed to be productive and pleased, I’ll move toward the moment with
surrender and softness. Why? Life is ready to be our greatest spiritual teacher if we choose
to see it, and naturally our great teacher wants us to grow.
So for 2015, life decides.
More pictures from Chicago adventures.
Shed-Aquarium & City Skating mostly :)
